embarrassed by the strange lull

embarrassed by the strange lull





Sometimes we find ourselves confronted by the sheer naked courage
to do or be more than we ever first imagined
our lips once incapable of saying
all the crazy things that once were so innocent
we watch as the moon gives us her shadows
I used to be alone, but now I have you to share this with
sending your greetings from the dark side
you seem so subdued today
speaking softly like a mild mannered freak
we have outlived all the dogs in your stories
your dogs meet disaster
the dead leave us empty and hollow
no more shaggy ears to scratch
sitting with a cold meat sandwich
there was a far away picture in my mind
it was slowly coming closer and more into focus
there are times when my ability to see is diminished
and times when I can see the thing before it has fully formed
it is like that when I am writing
this thing rises up out of me
and becomes real substance
it takes on a life of its own
sui generous
you say I am too generous with my thoughts
that I should keep them closer to my vest
let the warmth of my heart succor
I have worked on you with chisel and hammer
chipping away those parts that offend
making your nakedness a prize
you were very intelligent with your sorrows and charms
wanting me to be yours for a day or two
then you would give me away to the next woman
you had someone in mind
someone you thought would be perfect for me
all this before we poured you like plaster paris
you have a heart and it beats so strangely
at one time our heartbeats were identical
once we have killed, then we can rest
there is an elephant in your room
the fact that you are crazy
I pushed it out into the back of my mind
that place where I keep the darkness
preferring to pretend that life is beautiful
that you still loved me better than the rest
better than that bottle of clear liquid that poisons you
they will kill you because of your tusks
and your silver hair cut like a boys
they wanted you to be a girl
but you could not, you would not
I spat out the afternoon
you suggesting that I am an aristocrat
and not a customer service rep
you said I didn't have it in my voice
I keep shooting those with needy eyes
sticky bodies with bullet hole intentions
I am intentional when I am not distracted
their tongues are soft and tamed
and they are not happy any more
glossy tits sliding around my cock
I've been keeping your eggs warm for you
keeping the fire turned low
waiting for you to finish your frantic calls
the details for a wise-assed obituary
it was important to you that they got the details straight
how he fought in the war
and once loved your mother
even though he left the two of you for another woman
he retired from the tractor plant
and spent winters in Oklahoma
summers fishing in Wisconsin
that his favorite band was the Beatles
and he smoked Marlboro reds
that he really loved you
even though it was hard for him to show it
you found out from your cousins that he used to brag about you
called you his little computer
that he knew someday you would be special
just not for him
not in this lifetime
I told you not to worry about the details
that the details always find a way fo taking care of themselves
as you put ketchup on your eggs
and I pass you the jelly for your toast